The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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