yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
