Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize