If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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