I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
