did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
