we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
