Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
