so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
