the condom got lost in my hair
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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