I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
