The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
