I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
