i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
