A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
