I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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