Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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