look no pants
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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