Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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