just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
