I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
