Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
