when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
