Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
