those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
