ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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