Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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