found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
