Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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