It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
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I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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