I'm so fucking centered right now
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
