i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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