Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
