I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
