My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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