I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
