Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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