Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
