she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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