you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
