then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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