I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
