So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
