you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have post one night stand depression
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
