finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
