hotel room ftw
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
