my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
