i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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