don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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