you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
