i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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