Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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