dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban