you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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