DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.