how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I spit up blood this morning
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER