Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
