Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
