just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
