moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just took my morning after pill in the library
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
