we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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