Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
