Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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