I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
