That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
