Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
