Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
