my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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