Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
