My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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