a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
