do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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