If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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