This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
