She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
