Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
