you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
