Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
im six kinds of drunk right now
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
