it was like eating out sand paper
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
