thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
