You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
