I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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